So I'm working on a screenplay about time traveling back to to the year 1998.  Okay, not really, but if a former stripper can write about a teenage girl named Juno becoming pregnant and win an Oscar for it, who's to say I couldn't at least get my time travel epic picked up for production?  (No offense to all my stripper readers out there.)

I've always thought I had some great ideas for my time travel screenplay, but you won't be reading about them here today.  You see, I would like to avoid being surprised by my own trailer five years from now -- and be like, "That's my movie!"

As I've contemplated the screenplay that will never get written, I've thought about some things I would tell myself if I could go back to 1998.

Before I go further, let me detail where I was at that point in my life. 

The location:  Bartlesville, Oklahoma.

I am home for the summer after completing my first year at the University of Oklahoma.  I had just returned home from a European vacation with the family (man, that was awesome.)  And for summer work, I somehow got suckered into selling Cutco knives -- yes, the knives that could cut rope and shears that could cut a penny.  For the few that knew me back then and endured my little in-home demonstration, I sincerely apologize.  I needed money for a new stereo for my upcoming first year living in a fraternity house.  My mindset was, the louder the music in my room during hall parties ... the more girls would visit.  What a guy will do to get girls.

A few things I would pass along to the naive, 19-year old, bubble-living, couldn't see pass the end of his nose individual that was me:

Major in something you love (Architecture or Design) not something you don't care about (Management Information Systems).  Also, there will be a tech bust at the turn of the century, so it's going to be kind of hard to get a job when you graduate.

Think about transferring to New York City for that Architecture or Design degree.  You went there with your family a few years ago and loved it and will visit many more times in the future and will love it even more.  And don't worry about going too far away from home ... the parents can deal with it.  But make sure you return next summer to Bartlesville and get a job at the Credit Union.  There's a special person you are going to meet there.

Pay off that one credit credit card you have and never get another one again!

Focus harder on your academics instead of that party next week with the Kappa's.

At the beginning of the school year, a girl is going to ask if you can drop her off at her dorm room after a late night party.  DON'T!  And if you do, don't drive backwards though an intersection -- even if you are in a parking lot and don't think there is a car in sight.  It kind of draws the attention of the cops.

Oh, and this is very important.  Buy all the Google stock you possibly can.